Weblog

Tuesday, 11 August 2009

  • Alot can happen in a couple months...

    Well first of all lets start with the updates...

    I'm currently single! Yupp, It's been about a month now that I broke up with Johnny because he was such a liar and never took the blame for things that were clearly his fault. So I took the courage to tell him how I felt and he didn't really take it all that well because he stopped talking to me...but then decided he wanted to talk to me again..BOYS! lol.

    Also, the math class I was taking during the summer I'm glad to say that I passed it with no lower than an A :D. I felt so good because I tried soo hard lol. I guess it all pays off in the end lol, but now I have to wait for school to start again in 2 weeks :/ bummerrr. lol

    So let's get to the best thing that has happened to me lately...

    My freshman year I had met this guy through my cousin Jessica and from there on I began talking to him because I really thought he was cute. Sophomore year I told him how I felt about him and he happend to feel the same way...So we went out on a little date and kissed, but we never really got together, somehow I had lost interest in him ever since that day and he'd ask me to be his girlfriend but I always rejected him, But he still talked to me despite the rejection. We kept talking 'till about October of my senior year and then we lost contact because we both had gotten new numbers and what not....SO.....this friday that just passed I finally saw him again! We talked and what not and exchanged numbers and that night we planned to go out on Sunday. We didn't go on an actual date...we just went to the park and talked, but I had such a good time. We hugged the whole night and occasionally gave each other kisses. But seriously, this boy is one of the sweetest guys out there :). But who knows if anything is gonna happen between us...he makes me smile realllyyy big :D

    lol

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

  • It's been a tough month.

    Where should I begin? Well for starters, I'm broke! :o I literally have no more money in the bank and I think I might have just overdrafted about $200, all thanks to college textbooks. *sigh. Well, today was my first day of class and it actually went pretty good despite that I had a runny nose the whole time and I felt that I couldn't breathe. I mean I hate being in a class full of unknown people sniffling around...it really makes me feel soo uncomfortable.

    Also, my boyfriend needs to focus more on school so I haven't really got to talk to him. I just hate this it's so frustrating. I should've just taken the summer of maybe? I haven't even had a whole week to myself where I can relax and I've been stressed ever since the begining of my sophomore year in highschool. I think I need to get away and go on a vacation. UGH, I'm going to get some sleep now...

Wednesday, 10 June 2009

  • No longer a senior, but a freshman

    Wow, so I still haven't snapped back into reality to realize that I'm no longer a senior in high school but  a freshman in college! I mean I still can remember my first years of high school like they were just yesterday. At this point in life I guess it would be ideal to have all my life planned out and the steps I need to take on how to get there, right? But I have to admit that I am lost and confused. I mean I'd probably have a better chance of surviving in some foreign speaking school with no one there to translate for me, but seriously I don't know where my life goes from here.

    I hate feeling lost but I hate asking for someone to direct me in the correct direction. I guess from here on I need to learn to take charge and be responsible. Hopefully it all turns out fine and I survive my first year of college!:))

Friday, 05 June 2009

  • Being abused as a child scars you for life

    I guess I have to both agree and disagree with that statement. I believe it all depends on the individual and to what extent they were abused.
    I was abused as a child and I have to admit It didn't really mentally and emotionally affect me. I mean yeah I did have my moments of drug abuse and I have to admit I'm an underage alcoholic but when you think about it many teenagers now a days suffer from the same behavior and they had a perfectly normal childhoood. As of today I haven't shown any obvious signs of being a psychopath killer or a totally emotionally disturbed teen...So I guess the extent of my abuse wasn't as severe right? Wrong.
     
    I never thought anyone could let out so much anger all at once...that is until my stepdad came into my life and ruined my fairytale childhood.
     
    Since the first day I met that man I had a really bad feeling about him and was instantly terrified when I saw him. When my mom started dating my stepdad (about a year after my dad passed away) I just hoped and prayed they would break up. But instead she ended up marrying him!!!
     
    The first few years living with him were alright, but once we moved to our apartment things went downhill fron there. He worked his way up from spanking me, pulling my hair, slapping me across the face and finally beating me. Usually when he would beat me it would be for the stupidest things ever!
     
    I remember one night I had to put a new bar of soap in the restroom and shortly after I had placed the bar on the sink and walked into my room my stepdad calls me back into the restroom. He asks me "what is this!?" and I was like "you told me to put a bar of soap in the restroom and I did". He then looked at me and was like "you didn't put it right!".
     At this point I was confused and didn't know exactly what he was trying to tell me so I was just staring at the bar of soap placed on the sink. I tried shifting the soap left, right, up and down and my stepdad just got angrier and angrier and then he decided to pull out his belt and start hitting me.Everytime I tried fixing the soap he would hit me with that leather belt of his anywhere he managed to hit me. He didn't even tell me what exactly was wrong with that bar of soap and how I had not placed it right. My body ached and my eyes were burning from the tears, but that didn't stop him from continuing to hit me.
     
    Finally he decided to show me the "right way" to place a bar of soap and all he did was turn the soap upside down! I couldn't even lie down that night because my legs, back and arms were covered in bruises. There were even some parts of my body that began to bleed. After that, I began to dread coming home from school because of my stepdad. I hated when he was around and I'd hide when he would look for me. I know I'll never forget this incident or any of the others, but I don't let it affect my social life and how I conquer my goals.
     
    Overall, I'm a pretty nice person, I love to laugh and I live everyday like it was my last and only I can control my happiness and only I can decide who is worthy enough to make an impact in my life; and honestly my stepdad was just an obstacle in life that I have decided to forget about and it really doesn't matter to me what has become of him because life goes on and he remains in the past.

Wednesday, 03 June 2009

  • Currently
    The Devil Wears Prada (Widescreen Edition)
    By Anne Hathaway, Meryl Streep, Adrian Grenier, Emily Blunt, Stanley Tucci
    see related

    Did someone say Ecstasy?

    Well...as you're probably guessing by the title, this entry is about E, and for those of you who didn't know...I used to be an E junkie. I mean my whole world revolved around dilated pupils and the burst of happiness those little pills would give me. On an average I would spend hundreds of dollars a month on E because since I used it so much, the effect wasn't the same so I had to up my dosage every now and then.

    To me the feeling was just the best feeling anyone could feel and I never wanted to let that feeling go. The only downside from taking E for me was the horrible after math the pills would leave me with. I felt unstable and like I couldn't control my body...I felt like a zombie.

    The worst part of it all was the depression. Whenever I didn't take a pill or the peak of my roll had passed, I was stricken with sadness and I would just feel like being alone and crying. Literally, these little pills of different colors and stacks had consumed me to the fullest. I thought I would never get over my addiction to being chemically happy; that is, until I met my boyfriend Johnny.

    I guess you can say that he gave me that happy feeling without having to pop pills and having to feel the pain the day after. I slowly kicked my habit of popping and started a new habit of loving him. If it wasn't for me meeting him then I really don't know what would've happened to me. Maybe I would've over dosed or lost all my money to my addiction...I guess I will never know.

    On a final note, I'd like to say sorry to those few who I introduced this drug to, and to those who were around me when I used E, I had poor judgement back then.